Fear Dismantled

How do you know when you are acting on fear or creating a boundary? Lately I've been reflecting a lot on how my decisions and lack of actions were a result of fear. Fear to move into the unknown. This applies to different areas of life like career and personal relationships. I am in the beginning stages of a career as a life coach and writer.

Let me give you some history about me personally and context about how these thoughts came up. I’m good at working for others. I’ve created stability for me and my family. I’ve learned the skills to survive and have a career. I worked hard to grow in this space.

I am adept at following the rules I’ve learned and operating within the systems each employer created. I made a habit of seeking better job opportunities, when I felt an intuitive need to grow. I’ve changed jobs every 2-3 years since I was a teenager as a result. I worked in a Career Service Center all 4 years of college and had the privilege of learning from amazing set of career counselors life and job finding skills.

In this new chapter of my life I am cultivating my own business and publishing passion projects.

It requires me to be in a space full of risk and unknown. I create the rules and systems. I take this lead. A business is not an area that has neatly defined rules. That is incredibly exciting but scary if I'm honest.

Fear had me dragging my feet. Fear gave me so many reasons to wait, justifiable, but nonetheless excuses. It’s not about why I can’t move forward in creating, but about why I was not taking action. Dreams without action tend to stay in the clouds. I need to live in the reality of all I desire and for that to happen I have to just do it. Do it afraid, unsure and ready to make mistakes.

This business and writing is a culmination of all the things that gave me purpose in life. I know this path is where I am supposed to be. It's not about failing at a dream, it's about not honoring a gift. A gift to share with others. That was the motivation, that is the reason I am already succeeding. Just taking the first steps, is often the hardest.

"Fear, if you're not careful, can look like protection."

Protection from hurt, protection from some form of perceivable harm. I’ve spent years creating stability. Stepping into this chapter feels like stepping into certain instability. I thought I was doing the work of creating boundaries but it was a misguided perspective. It was still fear.

My therapist often draws my attention to the word alignment. When I am uncertain about whether my choice is protecting my peace, creating boundaries or acting in fear, she reminds me to be curious about what feelings arise in those moments. Be curious about the feelings and thoughts. Then once I'm clear about what comes up, ask myself if the decisions are in alignment with what I desire, my values or wants.

"Fear becomes dismantled as I pause and reflect on how my choices align with me."

How my choices reflect my most authentic desires, callings and purpose. Alignment is a direct line to your intuition, your heart and your highest self's voice.

Therapy both provides and uncovers tools to navigate years or survival and misperception. All of these skills of survival helped me get to where I am today, but no longer hold space in my new chapter, the creative and entrepreneur.

Fear is often embedded in survival, boundaries and protection. It has its place in the moments that it was needed. Fear is a survival mechanism and an indicator of danger (perceived or real). In my recognition of the place that fear holds I release it by dismantling its power. By leaning on trust, trusting myself and that my highest good is always at the forefront.

So how do you know when you are acting on fear or creating a boundary. By taking a pause. Being curious about your feelings and trusting yourself to lead you to your truth.

Trust is an act of faith and surrender.

We have the wisdom, knowing, of what’s best for us embedded within us. You are the expert on you.  But it is our community that can help us with the tools to reach those truths. Community holds us up, holds the mirror to our best selves and lets us know we are not alone.

Thank you for listening to my truth and being a part of my coaching community.

Take a look around see if Jaminah B Coaching is a community for you.

Jaminah B.